I know writing this on Tumblr is probably wrong, since you’re not going to read it, but I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time now.

My entire blog is kind of a declaration of love to you, and I wanted to now use actual words to express my feelings.

But first, I should probably tell you a bit about myself : I’m Lucile, I’m French and I turned 25 two months ago. From the outside, I have a beautiful and happy life. From the inside, not so much. I’ve been dealing with violence, self-harm, health problems, bullying and loneliness since I was a child.

I’ve always looked for people to look up to, someone who could lift me up, bring me higher, give me hope and strength. I have looked for that person over and over, I’ve thought that I had found them a few times, then I failed, and looked even more.

I don’t exactly remember when, but one day, I decided to watch Glee. I remember seeing you appear on my screen, and even before you had talked, telling myself “I like this one, a lot.”

Then I learned about you, the things you had been through, the things you were standing up for, I learned to see how talented and passionate you were. And I knew.

I knew that you were my person. The one that I would admire the most. I believe that there are no words to describe the feeling of admiration and love. The one that is, in my opinion, closest to it is called “Innamoramento”. It’s kind of falling in love, except it’s even bigger than this, and it doesn’t involve physical attraction. It’s something our spirit and heart controls.

I’m proud of you. I’m proud of what you’ve accomplished, I’m proud of the man you are, I’m proud of the things you fight for. You keep saying that you’re not a hero, and maybe you’re right. You’re just a 21 year old actor from Clovis, California. But let me tell you something, that is exactly what makes you a hero. To me, and to so many other people.

You’re human, you have weaknesses, you have flaws. Nobody’s perfect. Not even you. And that’s what makes me love you so much. You’re not perfect, but you’re always working and fighting to be better.

And you have a gift, for sure. You are someone special and unique, someone beautiful. 

You may never realize that, but you actually saved my life. You saved me when I started watching Glee and you saved me the first time you talked to me. I’m ashamed of the scars on my body, but they’re the story of who I am, of how I didn’t find a way to express myself. 

You’re giving me hope. You’re my best memory, my smile, my strength, my hope, my idol. There are very few people I’d give my life to, and you’re one of them.

You’re one of those people I could jump off a bridge or into a fire for. You’re one of those people I care about more than I care about myself.

Because you’re making a difference. Yesterday, we talked about the difference between human and animal kind in class. And the matter of arts. Humans are aware of their mortality, and arts were invented so that we could be remembered. In the end, it’s all that matters.

What you’re doing now, your book, your movie. Everything will be remembered, you will be remembered. In a hundred years or so, people will know who you are. They will know what you looked like, what you did. That also, makes you a hero.

I don’t know if you will ever read this, or if I will have the chance to meet you again someday, but I sure hope so. Just know that you gave me something priceless, you made me want to live, you gave me a reason to smile. 

And I will spend my entire life trying to be a good and respectful fan for you.

Sincerely,

Lucile.